As I’ve journeyed through life and experienced relationships, one thing has become increasingly clear to me: God is the ultimate matchmaker. He knows our hearts, desires, and, more importantly, the path that will lead us to a loving, meaningful partnership. But in the world today, dating and relationships can be confusing, especially when we look for answers in the wrong places. Today, I want to explore a few key concepts about relationships and how we can align them with God’s will.
Difference Between Dating and Courtship: God’s Design for Relationships
In the modern world, the terms “dating” and “courtship” are often used interchangeably, but they carry very different meanings, especially from a biblical perspective. Dating typically revolves around casual interaction, sometimes with no intention of long-term commitment. It’s about discovering compatibility, sometimes without the deep emotional, spiritual, or even physical boundaries that courtship emphasizes.
In contrast, courtship is a more intentional, purposeful pursuit of marriage. It’s about discerning whether a relationship aligns with God’s will for your life and the life of your partner. Courtship focuses on growing spiritually together, praying, and seeking guidance from God about the relationship’s future. This process respects God’s design for marriage, where the end goal is lifelong commitment and building a family in faith.
Scripture Reference:
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Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
In both dating and courtship, we should seek God’s guidance at every step. For me, this understanding didn’t come easy, and as I look back, I see how many relationships I pursued without first seeking God’s will.
Counterfeit Oneness: The Deception of Premarital Sex
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that premarital sex can often lead to what I call counterfeit oneness. In my past relationships, I encountered moments where I tried to build a deep emotional connection, but it was rooted in the wrong foundation—physical intimacy before marriage. And while I thought it brought us closer, it only left us feeling more disconnected from the true, God-ordained bond that marriage is supposed to offer.
When God created marriage, He designed it as a union between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The key word here is “united,” which speaks to an intimacy that goes beyond the physical realm. True oneness is a union of spirit, soul, and body. Premarital sex, outside of God’s marriage covenant, is a counterfeit of this oneness, offering only temporary pleasure without the deep connection that marriage provides.
Looking back, I can see how my past relationships were clouded by counterfeit oneness, especially when I failed to listen to God’s voice. One of the most significant examples of this is when I traveled 300 miles to meet a woman. Despite the multiple tornado warnings and flood warnings on my way, I pressed on. I didn’t listen to God when He said “No.” I ended up in a fling that was both physically and emotionally destructive, and I lost my virginity in a situation that was never meant to be. This story still stands as a painful reminder that our choices can have lasting consequences when we fail to listen to God’s direction.
Scripture Reference:
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1 Corinthians 6:18-20: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
Being Single: A Time for Self-Improvement and Growth
I’ve often heard people say that being single is a “waste of time,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Singleness is a gift—an opportunity to grow, improve, and prepare yourself for a relationship that is centered around God’s purpose for your life.
Rather than rushing into relationships, we must take the time to grow closer to God, strengthen our character, and become the person that God has called us to be. As I reflect on my own life, I realize that my singleness was a time for spiritual growth, self-discipline, and healing. It’s easy to feel lonely or discouraged during this time, but I encourage you to use it wisely, to become the best version of yourself.
Scripture Reference:
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1 Corinthians 7:32-34: “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided.”
God uses seasons of singleness to prepare us for the life He has planned for us, and for the right relationship at the right time.
My Story: A Reminder to Listen to God’s Voice
I’ve dated probably no more than 10 times in my life, but each relationship taught me invaluable lessons about God’s plan. There’s only one woman I truly love, and my heart still holds onto that love. But even though I love her, I know God has been telling me to wait, to listen, and to trust in His timing. Instead of rushing into something, I’m choosing to take the time to allow God to work in my life, to prepare me for the relationship He has destined for me.
There were times when I didn’t listen to God—like when I took that 300-mile journey to meet someone who wasn’t aligned with His plan for my life. Looking back, I see how that choice could have been avoided if I had only trusted God’s “No” and waited for His better “Yes.” Yet, even through these mistakes, I trust that God can redeem my story and bring me to the right person when the time is right.
Scripture Reference:
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Isaiah 55:8-9: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Conclusion: Trusting God with Your Love Story
At the end of the day, we are all seeking love, companionship, and connection. But we must trust that God’s timing is perfect, and He knows exactly who He has for us. Whether you’re dating, courting, or waiting, remember that God is the ultimate matchmaker. He desires for us to find relationships that glorify Him and reflect His love for us.
If you’re currently single, take this time to deepen your relationship with God, to become the person He’s calling you to be. If you’re in a relationship, be sure to keep God at the center of it. And if you’re looking for a partner, trust that God knows your heart and will lead you to the right person in His perfect timing.
God’s design for love is far better than any counterfeit we can create on our own. When we trust in His plan, He will lead us to the love story He has written for us.